3 Years

So today is my 3 year sobriety birthday!
I can't believe it has been that long.
I didn't know it was possible to not drink or use for that long.
I didn't know I would WANT to NOT drink or use for 1,095 days in a row.
I thought people who didn't drink and do drugs were stick in the mud's and usually I didn't want to be friends with you.
I thought people who talked about God were fanatics and needed to loosen up a bit in life.
I heard AA was a cult, exchanging one addiction for another.
I , obviously, thought a lot of things that weren't right.
I remember the 3 days leading up to my first day of sobriety.
I remember the first time I walked into an AA meeting back in August.
I remember that I wanted to do things my way. That I didn't NEED to get rid of ALL my friends, just the ones that sold drugs, not the ones that just used. They wouldn't use around me, right?
The next thing I know, skip to almost 3 months later, all dressed up as a witch at a Halloween party and my friend turns to me and says 'You aren't any fun now that you don't drink'.
Fuck it I said. I mean why not? The guy I had taken with me from the program started drinking while we were getting ready so my backup plan had already gone down the drain. I WAS the only one not drinking.
So fuck it, I said.
I'll drink then.
I ordered 2 glasses and wine.
Crappy box white wine.
Yuck!
And my next question was 'so if I'm going to drink then where is the cocaine'.
This proceeded to lead to a 3 hour chase which resulted in someone slicing their hand up and me calling everyone in my phone who might have one of my old dealers numbers. See, I had deleted those numbers back in August.
I was regretting that at the moment.
So the next day I just started drinking and popping xanax and, later that night, Oxycontin aka hippy heroin. I spent the night in and out of fitfull sleep and listening to my freind have sex with the guy I liked. She had sex the night before with they guy she was trying to set me up with. She pretty much had sex with anyone and everyone but that is a WHOLE different story. So the next day I finally make it home and spend Halloween night high off oxy's again. The first part of the day was a little fuzzy. But I didn't make any more efforts to drink or take any more drugs. I was difinitely done this time. I couldn't have freinds that did drugs. I couldn't hang with people drinking. At least for a while. I had to go to more meetings. I had to do things SOMEONE else's way. I thought if I was just strong but self-will wasn't enough. I had to stop worrrying about the future and try to start learning how to live in today. I had to start trusting God. Easier said than done right? But it happened. Slowly. Things were still hard. But little by little the wreckage of my past started falling away. And little by little I've finally started to learn to love myself.
Also those cliche sayings are really true.
It works if you work it.
Let Go and Let God
You know the ones.
Today, in this minute, I never want to go back.
But my disease is powerful.
It has shown up when I've least expected.
But, by the grace of God, I'm sober today.
And all we have is today.