You Spot It You Got It

Nana has a UTI (urinary tract infection). Wednesday morning she woke up and couldn't remember why I was at her house and where my mom was or what my Uncle looked like. I told her that mom was gone and she broke down like it had just happened. Ops! She did remember that Papa was gone. I didn't know what the day would hold. But slowly that afternoon she started acting ok. Well, Thursday morning was more of the same. And then the afternoon came & I swear she was in the running for a Best Actress nod for an Imaginary Drama! She even produced real tears for something that she had totally dreamed up. See she is convinced that her diapers are cutting off her legs. I gave her some ice cream and the situation suddenly turned around. 
Today the ice cream didn't work. Today I luckily caught myself before answering &  just told her that mom wasn't here (she didn't ask yesterday luckily). I have a REALLY hard time with the whining. This also immediately makes me wonder how much I whine! You know that old AA saying: You spot it, you got it. I guess I'm probably whining now huh? See I've never really thought of myself as someone that was very patient. And I admittedly lose my temper rather quickly upon occasion. Granted this has improved greatly with sobriety & being a caregiver, but it still happens. I have a hard time sometimes with her not being an adult since she lives in an adult body, for the most part still anyway. I lost my temper because of the whining. And I get mad at myself for reacting. And I want to run away and leave this VERY HARD SITUATION behind. And then the quilt sets in. I swear I'm really Jewish or Catholic for the guilt I've felt in life. But honestly I'm doing the best I can. I got on the floor on my hands and knees and tried to turn it over to God. I could have 3ish more weeks of her acting this way because of this infection. I can't hold it together by myself. Only God can do it for me. So I'm hoping that this next week it's just His footprints in that sand. It was a bad day. Tomorrow is a new one. Hey, it's almost Nana's bedtime!