Do You Trust Yourself?

One of my greatest fears in life is that I'll end up old or sick or both, living on the street, no one caring if I'm alive or dead or knowing I even exist let alone caring. Living under some bridge and eating out of dumpsters or in some broken down apartment eating cat food in order to pay for medicine. I know it sounds a bit crazy but you hear those stories on tv or in fictional shows or various places. I always think "what happened to their families?" Well my family has been dying off for years now and while I have some relatives I wouldn't call us close. So I worry what would happen to me if I was down and out again.
Why I have this fear I'm not really sure. Maybe because I've always had Nana (& Papa at one time) to fall back on and open their purse strings. Or my mom. They were always my soft place to fall and with Nana going to the nursing home and the sale of this house that 'place' will be gone. No more safety net to catch me. And while I think this should have happened YEARS ago, it's also a bit terrifying for me. Can I take care of myself when I'm not taking care of someone else? I mean, I've been taking care of Nana pretty much since I got sober and before that taking care of me, well I didn't always do so well in that department.
But that was then & this is now.
Now I'm sober and I've grown up a little.
At least I hope so.
Because now the only thing that will keep me from falling down the rabbit hole is myself. And God.
But last weeks events taught me a few things.
First & foremost it taught me to trust in my instincts. I KNOW when it's a good time to leave, or not to go at all. I know how to listen to my gut now and not ignore it. I KNOW what I need and what I need to do in times of trouble. And times when life is good. I KNOW that no matter how weird I feel that this to shall pass and I can just keep walking on thru to the other side. I already KNOW what that life is all about for me and that I don't want to be a part of it anymore. Active using equals depression and paranoia and fear and anxiety and soul sickness and lack of instincts and no self-esteem for me. Sobriety equals light and faith and self-awareness and good gut instincts and a higher power carrying me when needed. Sobriety does not mean an easy road, but it does mean I can handle whatever comes my way.
And despite the difficulties I encountered last week, all the feelings I didn't expect to have, I came through, sober. And I learned that I can trust myself to do the right thing. Finally.